


Representation

by blakefancier



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-26
Updated: 2011-04-26
Packaged: 2017-10-18 17:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/191232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Roj Blake and I am dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Representation

My name is Roj Blake and I am dead.

I died at the age of twenty-nine. I was tortured then killed. I felt the nothing consume me, memory by memory, and then I disappeared to wherever the dead go. When I woke four years later, it was to a cell with shiny metal walls and a garish yellow light that made me feel sick.

It is just another transformation: caterpillar to butterfly, boy to man, living to dead.

Everything was destroyed in me but hate.

No, not true. Some emotions remained as weak, grey shadows.

I died again at the age of thirty-six. A friend shot me three times in the stomach. He shot me and the alarms blared and the red warning lights blinked, bathing everything in pain.

When I woke it was six weeks later and I was lying in a hospital bed surrounded by machines and walls of white sterility. The disinfectant in the air made my throat burn and I felt sick.

Avon sat at my bedside in pale grey. He looked up from his data sheets.

"I'm dead."

"No." But he understood what I meant because he was silent after that.

I closed my eyes and wondered if the nothing would consume me again or just give up entirely. But no, I knew the third time would do it.

Avon took my hand and squeezed gently. I laced my fingers in his.

Now I laugh, argue, and fight but I don't think he believes me.

Sometimes, after we make love, I whisper into his ear, "I am dead."

But still he says no.

It does not change matters. The weight of the gun still feels good in my hand, even better pressed against my lips.

My name is Roj Blake and I have been dead for a very long time.


End file.
